to encourage

I am about to get very personal with numbers. It’s embarrassing, but I’m also hoping that being completely real with you, reader, will encourage you all the more.

My body is “comfortable” at 165 pounds. I weighed around that for most of high school (well, the part that I remember what I weighed), and then I probably gained 5 more freshman year of college. Then I worked really really hard and got to 147. That is just barely under the top of the normal BMI for my height. I couldn’t believe it, though. I was finally considered a normal weight!

Then I met my husband, so I didn’t want to work out twice a day anymore (a 15 minute video in the morning and 1 mile at night). And I wanted to eat deliciously naughty food all the time like he was doing. So when we got married, I weighed more. But thankfully, I don’t remember that exact number. I was still pretty small for me.

After a few years, I got pregnant while weighing 165 again. Eventually I gained 66 pounds in my first pregnancy, which put me at 231 pounds. After he was born, people kept telling me, “Don’t worry about the weight. It’ll come off.” So, I didn’t worry. I didn’t do anything. When the baby was 5 months old, I finally realized that it’s not “just going to come off”, and I started the old Weight Watchers program. I got down to 174, and with 9 pounds to go, I got pregnant again. And again, at the end of that pregnancy, I weighed 231 pounds.

This time I decided to start right away. I signed up for WW Points Plus , because they had a program that was safe for nursing mothers. When the baby was less than a year, I had gotten back down to 174. So I had lost all of the second pregnancy weight. Woo hoo! Then a few weeks ago, I finally got back down to 165. No. More. Baby. Weight. At. All. It had been almost 4 years since I weighed that.

But it’s so much more complicated than all of this.

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There’s a book called “Love to Eat, Hate to Eat” by Elyse Fitzpatrick ($6.78 on Amazon). It completely changed everything I had been thinking regarding food, health, and weight loss. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.” This book really put that into perspective for me. There are so many different ways that I could be sinning with food. Even when I eat a banana I could be sinning. I was completely overwhelmed with every new bit of information, so it took me over a year to read it.

She has an acronym in the book that helps readers to know the different sin categories. I’ve also written the verses that go along with each one.

D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E-D E-ating

Doubt- Do I doubt for any reason that I can eat this food without sinning?

He who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin (Romans 14:23)

Idolatry- Will eating this food demonstrate a heart of idolatry (pleasure/power)?

You shall have no other gods before Me (Exodus 20:3)

Stumble- If I eat this food, will it cause some weaker Christian to stumble?

It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles (Romans 14:21)

Covet- Am I eating this food because I saw someone else with it and I’m coveting?

You shall not covet… anything that belongs to your neighbor (Exodus 20:17)

Inroad- If I eat this food, will it create an inroad for sin in my life? (For example, can I take just one portion or will I binge on this food?)

Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regards to its lusts (Romans 13:14)

Praise- Can I eat this food with thanks and gratitude?

Everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, if it is received with gratitude (1 Timothy 4:4)

Life- Would eating this food harm my life or health in any way?

You shall not murder (Exodus 20:13)

Illustrate- Am I modeling good eating habits for others?

Show yourself an example of those who believe (1 Timothy 4:12)

No- Am I able to say no to this food, even if I know that I can eat it without sin?

I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified (1 Corinthians 9:27)

Emotions- Does the desire to eat this food flow out of any sinful emotion?

If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must not master it (Genesis 4:7)

Distract- Will preparing or eating this food distract me from something more profitable?

Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few are really necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her (Luke 10:41-42)

Enslaved- Will eating this food bring me under any kind of bondage?

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12)

In my eating and drinking, am I glorifying God?

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I can’t tell you enough how difficult it is to follow this, but I have found so much more freedom in striving to do it this way. When my focus is on myself and how the food will affect me- whether in giving me happiness or in losing or gaining weight- then I am so miserable. I am trapped. I fear failure like you wouldn’t believe. But when my focus is on glorifying God and I’m thinking about failing in the future, I know I can trust in the future grace He has promised me!  I have so much more hope in the Lord than in my ability to stick to a certain program or meeting any of the goals I’ve set.

Since I have read this book, (which I highly recommend to you if you couldn’t tell) I have failed every single day at almost every single meal. It is really very hard to retrain your mind to ask yourself all of those questions before you eat or drink anything. The author said it took her ten years to get to where she could finally say that overall she has godly eating habits. I actually find relief in that. Even if it takes me 20 years or if I never master it, I can rest in Jesus’ death on the cross for covering my sins regarding food and what I think I should weigh and everything in between. I also have faith that the Lord will renew my mind and make this practice come a little easier with each passing day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day  by day.” Thank you, Lord.

So I’ve met my goal of my pre-baby weight, 165 pounds. Then I start thinking, I should take some time off. Savor this number for a while. I feel great from eating healthy and not eating too much, but I DESERVE to eat what I want now, at least for a little while… No! Lies! I am a sinner and I absolutely do not deserve this. I still need to be thankful for every gift of food I get. I still need to practice godly eating habits. I still need to strive to glorify God whether I eat or drink or anything I do.

And on the note of savoring or getting used to that number, I received a gentle reminder from the Spirit that I don’t need to focus on the number. I’ve heard that so much, but now I realize that I have been doing just that. But for me it was more like, “Yes!!! I’ve reached my goal! 165. 165. 165. I can’t believe it. 165!” Great. But move on, now. I think it’s OK to celebrate success. And praise the Lord for allowing me to meet a goal! But life goes on and I shouldn’t let my praise terminate on the number. I shouldn’t be chanting that weight in my head all week long. That is idolatry.

I realized shortly after meeting this huge goal that I have a lot of fear in meeting an ultimate goal. It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? The only time I was in a position where I should not lose weight is when I was born and weighed 5 pounds, and no one even counts that. So it’s unknown territory to be at a weight I should maintain or should not go below. I’m not close to that yet, but thinking about it scared me. Then after a long conversation with my husband, he reminded me of God’s promised future grace for me- I don't have to be afraid of what the future will be. And I realized that whether I weigh 231 pounds or 130 pounds, my goal should be the same- to glorify my holy, worthy heavenly Father whether I eat or drink or anything I do!

I know I will continue to fail daily. I also know that “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23. And I will cling to the promise of John 1:16- “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

Thank you, Lord, for giving me faith to believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Thank you for putting my hope in you alone. Thank you that when my heart wanders and seeks to put my hope in things other than you, you draw me back in with your perfect love.